I figure a good starting point for this site is a bit of my story, since this is the product of who I am and who I want to be.
When I was 14, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. The diagnosis was a hesitant one, slapped on me only after mono, thyroid disease, cancer, and other issues were ruled out. What the doctors were trying to figure out is why I had no energy, no drive, no joy, and complete apathy for everything. I had spent two months holed up in my room, missing most of grade 9, and nearly failing as a result. I wasn't trying to keep what I now know is depression from anyone... I simply didn't know what it was, or why I felt so terrible all the time!
Even though I likely have a biological basis for my depression, it has been triggered by events in my life. The combination of environment and biology is one that is well-known to psychologists, though when you are depressed, it is easy to try to blame one or the other and find that ultimate cause. It's not easy to have a disorder that comes from so many factors!
My depression was finally diagnosed when I was 16 and I began cutting and self-harming. I was filled with such self-loathing and frustration, and I wanted to wear a symbol of how much I hurt inside. Please remember that this is only my take on the self-injury, and everyone is very different! I still wear the scars from my cutting.
Eventually I told my mom, took medication for a few weeks, then became so wrapped up in being a teenager I forgot I was depressed. Or that's what I wanted to believe! I missed my graduation dinner because I didn't feel up to going. And I spent much of high school feeling very lonely, apart from time spent with a small group of friends.
After high school I met my fiancé. We've been together for nearly six years now, and we're getting married next year. I am so incredibly thankful for the positive effect he's had on my life, and I'm so glad that I didn't run from him and this wonderful relationship. I nearly did.
My fiancé encouraged me to get help, and I now see a counsellor a few times a month, and I'm just coming off Effexor, which I was on for a year. Now I use light therapy and follow the TLC program. I also chat with the wonderful people on Ravelry in the depression group called One Stitch at a Time. They inspired me to start this page, and even helped to name it. Thank you all!
I'm about 1 year away from finishing university with a major in Psychology. I might teach one day, but I have so many plans... we'll see if I can ever settle in to a full-time job!
For me, knowing about depression and what I can do to live with it is incredibly powerful. I've stopped running from my depression and I want to face it head-on. Most days aren't easy, but some days are wonderful.
If you have depression, or you know someone who does, don't be embarassed. You don't have to hide. I hope I can help people to find ways to live with depression, and to do what they want to do with their lives.
Start by sharing your depression story with someone, or post it here in the comments (even anonymously!)
